Hope in the Midst of Grief
A parent's worst nightmare -- meeting the hospital chaplain before the doctor arrives to inform you that your seven-year-old child has no brain activity. More than twenty years has since passed, but the memory still brings an actual physical pain to my heart due to the overwhelming sadness. Once again, I am forced to lay the unquenchable pain and sorrow, along with the unanswered questions, at the foot of the cross, believing and trusting that His grace will be sufficient for yet another day, that His power is made perfect in my weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
We actually thought that we had survived our worst nightmare seven years earlier when our triplets were born prematurely at twenty-seven weeks and five days. Each weighed barely over two pounds and had complications that required extensive medical intervention and what seemed at the time to be endless hospital stays. Our daughter, Abbie, was in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) the longest – more than four months - after suffering a bilateral, grade 4, intraventricular hemorrhage at birth. This condition required a shunt to be inserted into her brain to prevent the buildup of intracranial fluid and the accompanying pressure that would restrict the flow of blood. The doctors were vague in their prognosis, telling us that she may suffer from severe cerebral palsy. I remember my husband, Mark, praying, “Lord, if she can just smile and respond to us."
As she grew, her abilities exceeded all that we had asked or imagined -- according to His power that is at work within us. (Ephesians 3:20) Abbie-girl was our sweet, spunky, and smart little girl who could hold her own with her three brothers! At five years of age, she came out of her bedroom early one morning and stated emphatically, "I asked Jesus into my heart last night and He just swooped right in!"
Such was her strong childlike faith at this early age! Little did any of us know that our time would be limited to seven short years. In the aftermath of a terrifying twenty-four hours after her shunt had failed, we found ourselves in an empty hospital waiting room in the middle of the night -- waiting, ultimately, for when our sweet daughter would be disconnected from her life support.
It is now 2:00 am. Mark is trying to get some sleep and all of our family and friends have also left to get some rest. Sleep eludes me. I am sitting with my Bible in my lap and begging for God to intervene, believing that nothing is impossible with God! (Luke 1:37) I opened to Isaiah, chapter 38: "In those days Hezekiah became sick and was at the point of death. And Isaiah the prophet the son of Amoz came to him, and said, 'Thus says the LORD: Set your house in order, for you shall die, you shall not recover.' Then Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD, and said, 'Please, O LORD, remember how I have walked before You in faithfulness and with a whole heart, and have done what is good in your sight.' And Hezekiah wept bitterly. Then the word of the LORD came to Isaiah: 'Go and say to Hezekiah, Thus says the LORD, the God of David your father: I have heard your prayer; I have seen your tears. Behold, I will add fifteen years to your life.'"
This passage of Scripture lifted my heart as I clung to hope, asking God prayerfully, "Lord, are you showing me that you will prolong Abbie's life?" He answered my plea by whispering to my heart, "I answered your prayer all those years ago at her birth when you were crying and pleading with Me to save her. I allowed you to have seven amazing years with her!"
Though the pain of losing our daughter was almost unbearable, this grace of an answered prayer soothed my heart. We had enjoyed seven wonderful years with our sweet daughter. More than that, we had been witness to her genuine love of the Lord! What wonderful gifts! And while it was heart-wrenching, we now had the privilege to be by her side as she departed this life for her eternal home. Yes, my heart was broken but I was reminded not to grieve as those who have no hope. (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14) To the contrary, I learned in a very real way to set my eyes on eternity as I held onto my hope in Christ! Our daughter is with Him now, and one day soon, I will join them. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)
-JoRonda Northcutt